“Dear Un-Named Previous Ex-Boyfriend,
When I was going through some old boxes in my attic I came across a mix cassette tape you made for me on our anniversary. I would now like to review this mixed tape now after having listened to it again.
First of all – Cassette? Really? I get that we’ve been exes for a while now but you couldn’t have been a little more forward thinking? Do you know how hard it is to find a cassette player? Good thing I hadn’t finished cleaning my attic.
Second – Happy Anniversary spelled wrong in black pen is not DECORATION. THIS was your gift to me? You couldn’t even write my name on it or write out track names! WHY DID I DATE YOU?!
Third – When you start a mix with Color Me Badd’s Forever Love I EXPECT YOU TO LOVE ME FOREVER! And Bon Jovi’s I’ll Be There For You? WHERE WERE YOU!? I could never count on you for anything.
But I can’t dwell in the past anymore – I need to finally let you go. Fifth grade was a long time ago and I think now that I’m married with kids I need to say goodbye. In hopes that we can keep this whole thing civil between the two of us I am offering you an olive branch. In the future when making mixes for your girlfriends, I know you’re not married (Facebook is NOT stalking!), you can use this Mix Tape USB Memory Stick. It’s a much more advanced and considerate way to make a mix. I hope you will take this suggestion so you don’t break anymore hearts the way you broke mine!
REGRETS,
Unnamed Ex-Girlfriend”
